A
married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The
wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and
said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The
husband said, "Who was that? "The wife said, "I don't know; some woman
wanting to
know 'if the coast is clear."
Two
blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk
and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says,
"Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let
me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks
in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
A
blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens
the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really
angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she
is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The
boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up,
you're next!"
A
blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly
says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's
the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
A
blonde had just totalled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously,
she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and as
applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was
stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just
fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed
the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving
along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of
me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to
the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there
was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...."
"Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on
this road for 30 miles.
That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”
Returning
home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarised.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher
broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was
the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come
home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and
what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
A
blonde was driving down the motorway when her car phone rang. It was her
husband, urgently warning her, "Honey, I just heard on the news that there's
a car going the wrong way on the M25. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car!" said the blonde, "There's f*ck*ng hundreds of
them!"
Two
friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass
a flower shop where the redhead happens to sees her boyfriend buying flowers.
She sighs and says, 'Oh shit, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again.
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, 'You don't like getting
flowers?'
The redhead says, 'I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations
after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next
three days on my back with my legs in the air.'
The blonde says, 'Don't you have a vase?